Skip this post if your sense of humor has deserted you at this point in time.
Okay, I need a light moment. A bit of silliness in between the madness of opening two restaurants, writing the longest series of informational credit card posts, taking care of usual business and family obligations, etc. This came up in conversation a few days ago, and no one had a good answer. Don’t you just hate it when there isn’t a term for a particular situation or item (like that little shred of beef that is lodged between your teeth, or what is the proper english translation for muta)? Married men who have long-term relationships with a female have a mistress or mistresses for that matter. But in the era of greater equality, what does one call the equivalent man for a married woman?
A quick google yields several suggestions…
1. “A Kept Man” — which connotes that all men in this situation are paid for or supported by a wealthier woman of means. But what if that isn’t the case, as I presume it would not be in all situations. And what if the man is not even single? Not all mistresses are kept women, either…
2. “Master” — the male equivalent of a “Mistress” in its original form, without any connotation of liaisons of any sort. But I don’t like this, as a young unwed man, or even underaged one, is properly referred to as a “Master” and in some societies, from a teaching perspective, one has a “Master” and that isn’t bad at all…
3. “Gigolo” — a man supported by the earnings, money or resources of a woman. This has a prostitution connotation, think the movie “American Gigolo” with Richard Gere and Lauren Hutton, from 1980.
4. “Consort or Escort” — the former carrying a royal-esque feel for a spouse or companion, the latter sounding a bit like a hired hand, but also not definitively suggesting going all the way… Ladies may have friends who literally escort them to events…
So if I had to make up a word, I like “Mantress” which sounds like the male equivalent of a Mistress… This would refer to the male with whom a married female was having a long-term relationship with, whether as a kept man, gigolo, consort or escort. And it could equally apply even if there was no financial remuneration or consideration involved. It also has a coarser edge to it, being a compound word or a portmanteau of “man” and “mattress”. :) I jest, I jest, of course. Cover your eyes and move on if you are blushing.
And just so you know that Filipino is often more descriptive than English, “kabit” is not gender specific, and would easily and perfectly apply to mistresses and mantresses. But as for the word “muta” it is technically referred to as “rheum” in english or crusty eye mucus. Eew. And I still don’t have the word for the little piece of beef in between my teeth. :)
Ultimately, this is completely and utterly irrelevant, I know. My mother would probably wag her finger and simply say certain things are not topics of polite discourse, period. And don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely not making any judgments about the position or role of a mistress or mantress, I just want to know what the most acceptable and appropriate term is. And in that regard, I guess neither term is really acceptable, because if you wouldn’t use it in front of a person who is a mistress or a mantress, then it isn’t appropriate or proper at all…
Please keep all comments above the belt or they will be deleted. And remember, this is meant to be a light moment. Thanks. :)
81 Responses
I think it is called “tinga”, any food item, beef included, lodged between teeth.
thanks for the laugh, mm! just what i needed … had a risque thought but probably not a good idea to post it ;-)
18th and 19th century noble women in Italy kept their cicicsbei (sing. cicisbeo) just like their counterparts in Spain, cortejo or estrecho or in France, petit-maître. Pretty public affairs too, and tolerated by their husbands and communities. Lenient and catholic was Catholic Europe at that period.
I’m wary of having brisket (or raw spinach) for exactly this reason. But we have signals at home for this when the lodgement is frontal.
I always thought the phrases “morning glory” and “eye booger” both referred to “muta”. =))
As for tinga… I would think of “trapped food” =))
Hey MM, between Arnold ( Schwartzenegger) admitting fathering a child with a household staff and IMF’s managing director Strauss-Kahn’s recent sex assault charges at the New York Sofitel, are you trying to divert our attention from these male indiscretions and talk about “cicisbeo” and “frontal food lodgement” instead to use Footloose’s terms?
Anyway, thanks for the chuckle this morning.
How about “Mattress?”
Helena Rubinstein, a frightful looking bantam dynamo of a woman and founder of the only beauty enterprise that rivaled L’Oréal towards the end of her life, openly kept a young man, her catamite as it were, whom she referred to as her “goy.”
How about boy toy? Boyfriend would be less scandalous-sounding, me thinks.
In some countries I believe they are called ‘handbags’. Somewhere to keep your dental floss, just in case…?
In our village they are referred to as “toy-boys”, especially if the lady is – sometimes significantly – older than her male companion. However, it does not signify that the lady is married – she may or may not be while having a “toy-boy”.
Peter and Joanne, what if the man isn’t younger or youngish? Footloose, somehow I am not surprised that you came up with a two-century old designation… the same a family friend sent to me by email after she went home from dinner the other night equally troubled by the lack of a good term to use… :) lorna, now for the english translation of tinga? :)
I believe the term catamite refers to a young boy with an older and richer male lover.
kakusina, just looked it up, and yup, that one doesn’t sound like a good descriptor at all…
thanks MM. you’re post made me giggle & brought sunshine in this gloomy [foggy, rainy weather] :D
boylet?
i like this post since it just goes to show that you have a good sense of humor. the post may seem silly but hey i learned a few couple of words, rheum, goy, catamite etc. hahaha!!!
A “Lover” or “Friend” will do. The discreet ones will just say friend, “trainer” for the rich ones hehehe.
“Eye crusties” for the dried ones and “Eye booger” for the soft ones for “muta” as for “tinga” no one word for it, just food or meat stuck between my teeth (or yours hehehe)
you call that “take home”.. save it for later when you get hungry..
The current term for older women with a younger man is cougar, like Courtney Cox in Cougar Town. I don’t know what the younger man is defined as, but ‘mantress’ just does not incite a feeling of disdain.
I remember my grandmother using the word “kalapati” referring to a married playboy cousin’s mistresses. I really don’t know if it was commonly known to mean that though.
So I suggest some animal-name? Hmmm…
a concubine?
just Boyfriend will do.
in cebuano it is called ki-ki
maybe the absence of a term goes to show the culture has chosen not to deal with it in public, as your mother might have wisely inferred.
I think “kumpare” will do.
Husband: San ka nanggaling?! Alam mo bang anong oras na?!
Wife: Ay… kay kumpare lang. Ikaw naman, parang di mo rin ginawa ito ni kumare.
As for the tinga or muta: “something”
Uhm… you have “something” right there. *vaguely points to the eye*
Hey, do I have “something” on my teeth? *flashes a wide grin*
hehehe… just keeping it light. :D
this is like the ‘chismisan’ part while doing the cooking chores.
on a related note, do gays and lesbians have similar terms for their partners? i’ve heard ‘darleng’
Querida…on the web translation used as a noun refers to mistress, inamorata, duck?!? and something else. Ergo, querido…would be appropriate I think…following the duck translation …maybe drake would be appropriate, too!
@footloose
I think the term “goy” is a Jewish term for non-Jewish people.
See wikipedia entry: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goy
Also note it has slightly derogatory/divisive connotations.
(I think names ending in -berg or -stein usually are USA-naturalized Jewish family names)
Or maybe the way she used it is a play on “goy” and “boy”? Like my “non-Jewish boy”?
Kinda like how “guy-liner” was coined for the eyeliner that guys wear?
As for the “tinga” or leftovers in between your teeth, I call it a “bonus treat”. :-)
“Muta” is usually called “eye-booger” by my younger caucasian co-workers.
And the slightly muddy dirt moistened by sweat in between one’s toes is called “toe-jam”.
My mother would kill me talking about these things at the dinner table. Hehe!
Muta in English is “mote” or more specifically “eye mote”.
@ Kakusina, you’re right but I was using it figuratively by adding as it were.
@Mart, you’re right, it usually means gentile but I was alluding to her biographer, Ruth Brandon’s “Ugly Beauty,” here’s the exact quote:
In the nineteen-fifties, she took as a companion a young man half a century her junior, wooing him on a date that began with an enormous lunch (“I need to keep up my energy!”) and a showing of “Ben-Hur” (“Most interesting! I’m glad the Jewish boy won!”). From then on, Rubinstein took the young man everywhere, even to a state dinner with the Israeli Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion, who asked her, “Who’s your goy?” Rubinstein replied, “That’s Patrick! And . . . and, yes, he is my goy.”
I have observed over the years that various English speaking people, when in polite and genteel company, refer to the male equivalent of mistress as “another man” or “the other man” but typically preceded by a short pause, then spoken in a subdued and almost whispered tone or inflexion that the meaning is unmistakable. This is probably a carried over tradition to seemingly protect the woman’s moral virtue, but more likely just to make the gossip more titillating.
The speck of food caught between the teeth is tough. Maybe like bad breath and tictac, you can just discreetly offer him/her floss. Or “Thank you for dining with us. I see you’re taking some food to go. Enjoy.”
Women have Lovers.
Interesting…in the lexicon of all things, there is, as discussed, ‘boy toy’. Madonna has already capitalized on that. Anybody have their belt buckle from the 80s? There is also ‘querida’ (sp?) which I suppose could be ‘querido’, which could then devolve to ‘Guido’. I could see that possible as some female fantasies seem to involve traipses with European men. ‘Mantress’ and ‘matress’ is also possible. But then again, there are things such as ‘mandals’ (men’s sandals) and ‘moobs’ (you’ll have to figure that out). That said, ‘gigolo’ could become ‘Manilo’ which has no relation to Barry (who is not European and not currently a fantasy), but then, would that make ‘Manila’…the city of kept men? If you happen to visit Silicon Valley, we have Santana Row, which is also known as ‘Mantana Row’ and is a known hunting ground for cougars.
I go for “lover” pronounced with a growl, cougar style.
Kasseopeia, “morning glory” has a totally different meaning in British slang. I’d like to go on but MM said we shouldn’t go below the belt…
In the light of this diversionary attempt at labeling male extra-marital paramours in a food blog, may I suggest “Man du Jour” as derived from “Soup du Jour.”
It signifies class (it’s French, c’est ne pas?), individuality (each chef uses his own recipe), temporality (tomorrow is another day, could be another man) and it sounds dignified and masculine, instead of that lame, effete “boy toy.”
Since the English language does not have a word for “tinga” and “muta”, why don’t we propose they adopt the Filipino words. This is just like how they now use “tsunami” from the Japanese language. Apparently we are good at giving names to yucky things.
@ron, when you say ‘take home’ are you referring to the ‘tinga’ ? i heard from the gay lingo that they also call they boys as ‘take home’.
MM, some use the word ‘textmate’ for the mantress /mistress and from a showbiz director, they call them ‘FB’.
querido? :D
lets go to the mantresses!
What does one call the equivalent man for a married woman? -> Papa or Fafa ?
Equivalent of mistress: MISTERess? :D
I notice that the term commonly used is “lalake,” next to “kabit” (ouch! it’s just so different when you use Tagalog for this! hahaha!) So, when people talk about a married woman seeing another man, it usually goes, “may lalake (which should really be spelled as, LALAKI) daw si _____.” I think this is only used if it does not connote money being the primary reason for seeing another guy.
If the woman’s “MISTERess” is also married, people still refer to her as the misteress’ kabit “na may asawa” then followed by a gasp! Hahaha!
A woman’s lover is called a paramour.
MM,
IN MY WOMENS GROUP…..we call it BOYLET…..lol
tinga – “something” na naging “thing-nga” hehehehehe
May “tinga” ka sa ngipin
You have “something” between your teeth!
i agree with BUTCHIK, my wife and her friends (single or married) usually use “BOYLET” – boy na kabit! and when the man is much older – D.O.M. hehehehehe
We often use the term “kissing friend” – both applicable to a male or a female.
As for tinga & muta, the English language does lack a lot of specific translations. I know there are so many filipino words that cannot be translated to English with just one word – but it’s fun to try, isn’t it?
‘Friends with benefits’?! Fafa, boylet, querido, lalaki, paramour, lover, lovahboy, ‘take-home’ (which could apply to both sexes) …
‘Mantress’ makes you want to hum ‘ommmmmmmmm’.
Food between teeth = tinga. Incidentally, see what I found when, on a wild impulse, I googled ‘tinga’: a dish called by that same name, featured in a blog by one Homesick Texan:
“… But one of my favorite Pueblan delights is tinga, a lively, tangy stew made up of pork, chorizo, tomatoes and chipotles.
Tinga is a perfect party dish because it can feed many and be made a day or so ahead of time. Traditionally it’s served on crisp tostadas but it can also be wrapped in warm tortillas, piled on tortilla chips, or even eaten with a spoon out of a bowl. Some may make it with chicken or veal, but my favorite style is tinga de puerco. The tender, toothsome strings of pork coupled with the piquant and vinegary chorizo, bright tomatoes and smoky chipotles makes for a complex, hearty dish. And when you add some cotija (that crumbly Mexican white cheese), cilantro, avocado and a squirt of lime, you’ve not only created a delectable dish, but you’ve also paid homage to the colors of the Mexican flag.”
Kahit anong sarap nya, kaka-turn off ang pangalan: tinga, eeewwwwwww!
The other woman, or mistress, here in Scandinavia is “elskerinne” and the male counterpart is “elsker”. Both terms are commonly translated in English as “lover”.
mantress, mattress…..go figure.
@ken : Oh you mean the piece of beef lodged in between teeth? I hope that is what you meant….
Bwahahaha! Thanks for the laugh, MM, it made my day!
I agree with the others with the term boylet. It seems to be in the colloquial use already anyway. I also like paramour.
I know of a term for a long time now—“kulukadidang”—gay lingo for “kinalolokohan” applicable for both sexes.
tinga, tooth shim?
paramour it is; however, while searching for the word paramour i found out in the internet that while my grandmother is a world war 2 hero that she is a “paramour” daw of the guerilla leader. man, that stinks! :-(
and when you do a google translate of tinga, it says “particle” hehehe
How about:” MS Treat” :)
Mantress and/or MISTERress sound promising… if Beyonce was able to invent the word bootylicious, i think we can also do the same with ‘male mistresses’.. wow, MM readers are trailbalzers ha!
Goy is a Yiddish term for non Jewish. Boy, have not heard that in a while!! Names ending in -stein, -berg, etc., tend to be Ashkenazi Jews, not necessarily Americanize names. I know plenty.
Haha, I like the word “man-tress.” But I think the usual term used is a “lover” – I don’t know why this word is usually associated with illicit affairs. Haha.
About “muta,” I went to see an eye doctor some time ago for a check-up and the term they used was “discharge” – i.e., “did you have any eye discharge?” I guess that’s the medical term. :-)
You’re so right about the lack of a proper direct translation for “tinga”! :-P
All I can say is – as I read through the comments – my face contorts into a frown, shoulders tighten a little bit, lips pressed , but all in between a giggle and a laughter goes…hahahaha…what a morning breaker, its 7:00am here at work… and I am about to have breakfast meeting with some co-workers…I hope I can focus into what they are saying…these conversation are still lingering on my head.
My white husband calls muta “sleep,” as in “You have some sleep in your eyes” or “Rub the sleep off your eyes.”
I have been asking a few friends about this one..
If a small spoon is called “kutsarita”, a small plate is “platito”, and a small cup is “kupito”, so how do you call a small fork?
a “tinydor” ;)
kulasisi is the word I was trying to remember, not kalapati!
I was actually just at my child’s eye doctor and ‘muta’ is just called eye discharge!
the term is Boylet and is often used in the same sentence with the word cougar
@Angela; “tiny-dor”
To add to the already growing list might I suggest:
Manoside – man on the side
or
Ex- man – extra man
This reminds me of a question I was asked which took me awhile to figure out (though I’m still not sure of the answer that I ended up with):
Translate this into english:
“Pangilang Presidente ng Pilipinas si Gloria Macapagal Aroyo?”
Good day MM! :)
My teen-age son said…for the male translation of MISTRESS……HOME-WRECKER!!!!!
As for tinga…I asked the boys’ dentist and he was sort of stumped for 1 word English translation for tinga! He said…TINGS!!!!!!
Up to what number is GMA become president?
Paramour is not gender specific either, my father’s generation used this –also in Batangas, Parsyagit (Sp?) is the term used–so i googled, here’s what i found.
https://levyisthename.multiply.com/journal/item/8/.PANG-LALAWIGANING_SALITA..
‘PARSYAGIT – kumareng kapitbahay na lagi mong ginagapang sa dis-oras ng gabi.’ – hilarious!!! quite cinematic.
I guess the lack of the term means women are forced to be more discreet with their affairs. I hazard to guess the terms/slang mentioned here for ‘MANTRESS’ (MM it is now official) are more recent–coincides with the dawn of women’s lib perhaps?
@Ken, you cracked me up.
@PeterB, ha ha very good and quick.
Mistress is the feminine counterpart of master. Back formations from mistress too overtly place emphasis on their bedability. Paramour is applicable to both genders while concubine is exclusively female. Catamite is usually applied to a much younger kept boy of a mature man and connotes some form of deviancy. In Filipino, lalake and babae when used in this context are not exact equivalents as one might think since the words binababae (being seduced, with just one ba, it becomes gay) and nanlalake (running around) have divergent though related adulterous implications. Intermittently perceived as the weaker vessel, it seems a tad chauvinist to simply discourage women from taking another man on the side openly unless they are Catherine, The Empress of all the Russias, she that often comes to mind when talking of women of boundless energy and vast appetite. She famously kept a succession of high-profile lovers, Orlov (no relation to Veal Orloff), Potemkin, Poniatovsky, Dmitriev-Mamonov, Rimsky-Korsakov (not of the buzzing bumblebee but a remote ancestor), etc., and an ever replenished stable of low-profile ones. Legend has it that they were all handsomely endowed, with rewards of rubles and serfs, once her interest moved on to the next stud du jour.
@Toncec, What is GMA’s ordinal place among Presidents of the Philippines?
Which ever way you put it, a “mantress” is a “lover” . . . aren’t lovers really just “sex partners” – and isn’t that what they are, anyway? no expectations, no strings…. just… lovers….
The beauty of Tagalog is we have these one-word terminologies that are so descriptive and encompasses a whole concept that in English would require more words… like the word “gigil” has no direct English translation….
lamleo, what if the passion has died out and they become more like companions? does the “lover” label switch then? I am so amused by the responses of readers to this post… I bet not a few of you have turned to your friends, spouses, partners, etc. and posed the same question… :)
@una – hmmmmm… your answer kind of translates into “Hanggang pang-ilang presidente si GMA?” but I did pass that train of thought as well.
@footloose – my current answer is very much near the one you have proposed! :)
mantress= lover
kabit= attachment?
muta= sleep or sand (mr. sandman…)
MM….if the passion dies down, then I am with Kai….he becomes a KUMPARE!
I asked hubby the same question and he said…MISTERess, too!
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
here’s from sex and the city… the term FB, “f_ck buddy” may apply…
particles for “tinga”
I call “tinga” may “friends”. Whenever I don’t have a mirror with me, I smile and ask my gal pals if I have “friends” on my teeth. :)
HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU, MARKETMAN! I’M LAUGHING AND HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY TO THE PEOPLE I’M WITH … THE “MARE” AND “PARE” DID IT FOR ME, HAHAHA! TRY “KURUKA-DIDA” AND “KURUKA-DIDO” …..
couldnt finish reading your article because something caught my attention. MM is opening a restaurant…halleluia!!!….praise to the high heavens!!!…what a way to start my week!!…….will contact my brother-chef( also one of your disciples) based in manhattan to tell him to come home as soon as your restaurant is operational…oh when ..oh when shall this be….do tell MM…..
“…the difference among a mistress, a concubine, and a wife. A mistress is unsure of her wage, a wife has none; and they are both amateurs. Now do try the cherries.”
— Nicholai Hel
Me and my wife got into this same conversation the other night also. Hence me being here LOL. There r many words for it. My wife suddenly called out ” call him a HisTress” LOL.